The Affliction Known as Diet: Week 1

What began as a nutrition and fitness challenge has quickly turned into a psychological experiment. Jesus this competition or challenge or whatever the hell it is I’m doing takes a type of will power I’ve only seen in weight watchers commercials. I have failed miserably so far; way worse than I thought I would. Not even my upcoming competitions have stopped me from eating doughnut holes and drinking beer like it’s about to be outlawed. Fortunately I didn’t pay to participate so the only thing I’m losing is my self-esteem and my ability to believe in what I’m capable of.

We’re supposed to keep a daily log which I did this up until Thursday and then quit caring until today so I had to go back and update everything. Below is what I’ve accomplished in week 1 of this challenge; I’m drinking a coke while I type this.

Monday, May 9th:  And we’re off! Today is day one of the nutrition and fitness challenge that I’m unofficially participating in. So far it’s not so bad, I’m still full from binging on food and beer over the weekend so being limited on what I can eat has been a welcomed change. Also, we’re half way into day one so of course it’s not that bad, yet. Dinner is going to be difficult; we’re having chicken and nothing sets off the taste of chicken like mac and cheese. I can’t have that so I’ll be eating brown rice and vegetables sprinkled with sadness and topped off with a glass of water.

I’ve already done the working out for the day and the stretching for 10 minutes, which seemed to last longer than the 20 minute workout. I’m sure I’ll feel better physically but mentally it messes with me; 10 minutes is a long time to stretch and it makes me feel like time stands still. Which is probably why I’ve never done Yoga.

This morning I learned what the Daily Challenge is for the week: post a positive/motivational quote in WhatsApp. No, I will not. Primarily because I opted out of getting on WhatsApp and I stand by that decision. But also, and you know this if you’ve read some of my other posts, I hate that shit. Have you ever read some of those quotes? Some of them make absolutely no sense, NONE. The worst are the one’s from those Jesus accounts: “Jesus wants you to be happy”, “Jesus is always with you”, “Jesus only gives you problems you can handle”. Obviously Jesus isn’t an asshole, but I also like to believe he’s a realist and if he really had anything to do with these quotes they would say something like “if you want to move forward then quit looking for inspirational quotes on the Internet, put down your goddamn phone and get to work. Quit waiting for me to tell you that today is the day you make changes, I’m not a fortune cookie.” In fact that’s probably my motivational quote for the day. There you go, now go make things happen. That’s truly all I have in me; years of coming across these quotes on social media have done the opposite of what I think they’re supposed to accomplish. My loophole is that I just have to post daily so I can post my type of motivational quote and still get points, points that don’t count. This will be harder than the nutrition, maybe. I can’t tell because it’s only day one.

Motivational Quote of The Day: “if you want to move forward then quit looking for inspirational quotes on the Internet, put down your goddamn phone and get to work. Quit waiting for me to tell you that today is the day you make changes, I’m not a fortune cookie.” – Jesus

Anyway, this is where I’m at so far. You’re welcome for the motivation.

Tuesday, May 10th: I already lost my food points. Listen, beer just has this hold on me, OK? I’m giving it another go today.

Wednesday, May 11th: Well, I failed again – this time on nutrition AND the stupid quote. We ended up going out for dinner so that blew it for nutrition, and coming up with a motivational quote is hard when I can barely keep motivated myself. Also, there’s a half-pint of rocky road ice cream in the freezer – how am I supposed to concentrate when that is just screaming my name? I can’t even focus right now. Anyway, so far I’ve done good so my goal is to keep it going, even though I said that yesterday and before this thing started.

Thursday, May 12th: So I got my nutrition points but not the daily challenge points. I’m all sorts of failing these things. I have to go out of town this weekend and all I can think of is eating a doughnut for breakfast before I leave. I don’t think I’m cut out for this strict of a diet. I swear all I can think of right now is doughnuts. Does anyone else have this problem? I can’t be the only one who thinks like this.

Friday, May 13th – Sunday, May 15th: Well, my food points went out the window all of these days, I posted no motivational quotes, I didn’t stretch, I didn’t work out on Sunday. Also I’ve been keeping track of this all wrong. I’m supposed to write down what I eat and basically detail how I earned my points, which isn’t really that hard because I’m doing a great job not earning any. I managed to get 0 points on Sunday. ZERO! And I guarantee I’m the only one who accomplished such a feat. Oh, and in case you were wondering yes, I ate the rocky road ice cream. I’m not wasteful.

Total Points for week 1: 104 out of 210.

I almost quit this thing, unofficially because I’m not officially doing this. Then I started writing a “I Quit” paragraph and really felt like a loser, unofficially. So I decided to keep going even though this week is off to a terrible start. So check back next Monday and read all about the moment I start taking this seriously, unofficially.

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