Internet Airball: I lived it. I dated an Abercrombie night stock guy

It’s only fitting that this piece would be rejected. You see, I wrote it after watching the Netflix documentary on Abercrombie & Fitch where I discovered the awful truth about a guy who rejected me several times during our relationship.

I guess I’m not surprised that my satirical revenge piece didn’t make the cut. But writing it made me happy and I want to share it. Also, suck it Mark!


I Lived It: I Dated an Abercrombie Night Stock Guy

As a pop culture guru, I’m all about the latest trends, and right now True Crime is where it’s at. I read all the blogs. I listen to all the podcasts. You have a petition to re-open your favorite alleged murderer’s case? Where do I sign? I. Love. True Crime.

Or at least I did… until I became a victim. 

My workday began like any other. I turned on my computer so my boss could see that I’d logged in, then I Netflix’d and chilled. Halfway through the documentary I’d been waiting months for, it happened. In an instant, I went from a regular woman waiting for her chance to solve a cold case to the actual subject of a documentary. 

As I happily watched White Hot: The Rise and Fall of Abercrombie, it happened. I discovered the truth about Abercrombie stock guys. And I dated one just 18 years ago. I dated an Abercrombie Night Stock guy.

How could this have happened? I was always so careful about who I was seen with, although I guess he was never really seen.

If you date an Abercrombie guy but the awake world doesn’t see him working the floor, did he actually even exist? I understand the philosophical Instagram accounts now. I get it.

When I met Mark, I thought I’d actually found a name-brand guy. According to Netflix, I may as well have been dating one of the ogres from American Eagle.

And what does that say about my judgment? How could I be so blind as to why he was being hidden away? And oh my god, what if Chrystal saw it? Here I was trying so hard to keep other girls away from my find and the whole time he was a knockoff. Frabercrombie and Fitch.

I completely understand the women from Tinder Swindler now. We just didn’t know.

All of this true crime I watch and I still became a victim. It really can happen to anyone.

I know you’re wondering if Mark knew he was pulling the 100% cotton “Damn I’m Chiseled” graphic tee over my eyes. The answer is I truly don’t know. I mean, nobody goes into Abercrombie and applies for a job thinking they have a face for podcasts. 

But, then again, that’s a swindler for you. 

Listen, I’m not completely partial. This happened almost two decades ago and even though the wound is fresh, I’m mature now and can give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he’s also a victim. Maybe, at the same time as me, he watched the documentary and realized he was a casualty in this too. Maybe he felt just as attacked. He’ll know what it actually meant to be an Abercrombie stockroom guy.

Fuck I hope so.