Internet Airball: I lived it. I dated an Abercrombie night stock guy

It’s only fitting that this piece would be rejected. You see, I wrote it after watching the Netflix documentary on Abercrombie & Fitch where I discovered the awful truth about a guy who rejected me several times during our relationship.

I guess I’m not surprised that my satirical revenge piece didn’t make the cut. But writing it made me happy and I want to share it. Also, suck it Mark!


I Lived It: I Dated an Abercrombie Night Stock Guy

As a pop culture guru, I’m all about the latest trends, and right now True Crime is where it’s at. I read all the blogs. I listen to all the podcasts. You have a petition to re-open your favorite alleged murderer’s case? Where do I sign? I. Love. True Crime.

Or at least I did… until I became a victim. 

My workday began like any other. I turned on my computer so my boss could see that I’d logged in, then I Netflix’d and chilled. Halfway through the documentary I’d been waiting months for, it happened. In an instant, I went from a regular woman waiting for her chance to solve a cold case to the actual subject of a documentary. 

As I happily watched White Hot: The Rise and Fall of Abercrombie, it happened. I discovered the truth about Abercrombie stock guys. And I dated one just 18 years ago. I dated an Abercrombie Night Stock guy.

How could this have happened? I was always so careful about who I was seen with, although I guess he was never really seen.

If you date an Abercrombie guy but the awake world doesn’t see him working the floor, did he actually even exist? I understand the philosophical Instagram accounts now. I get it.

When I met Mark, I thought I’d actually found a name-brand guy. According to Netflix, I may as well have been dating one of the ogres from American Eagle.

And what does that say about my judgment? How could I be so blind as to why he was being hidden away? And oh my god, what if Chrystal saw it? Here I was trying so hard to keep other girls away from my find and the whole time he was a knockoff. Frabercrombie and Fitch.

I completely understand the women from Tinder Swindler now. We just didn’t know.

All of this true crime I watch and I still became a victim. It really can happen to anyone.

I know you’re wondering if Mark knew he was pulling the 100% cotton “Damn I’m Chiseled” graphic tee over my eyes. The answer is I truly don’t know. I mean, nobody goes into Abercrombie and applies for a job thinking they have a face for podcasts. 

But, then again, that’s a swindler for you. 

Listen, I’m not completely partial. This happened almost two decades ago and even though the wound is fresh, I’m mature now and can give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he’s also a victim. Maybe, at the same time as me, he watched the documentary and realized he was a casualty in this too. Maybe he felt just as attacked. He’ll know what it actually meant to be an Abercrombie stockroom guy.

Fuck I hope so.

There’s something for everyone in the Abercrombie documentary on Netflix

I can’t explain why but I have been waiting for the Netflix documentary White Hot: The Rise and Fall of Abercrombie & Fitch since the release date was announced on Netflix’s Insta like a month ago.

Maybe it was to finally get the validation I’d been wanting since I was in high school, which was that yes, Abercrombie was for douches. Maybe it was to see if anyone still wore their jeans and shorts, like me (I love the way they fit, and also I was never their demographic so that makes me not a douch!). 

Whatever the reason, the documentary debuted and I could not wait. 

With a full schedule of shit to do for work, I turned on my iPad, clicked on Netflix, and took a trip back to the late 90s/early 2000s.  

Here’s a little about how Abercrombie worked for me back then. I’m from a border town. A border town with a mall that has a Ross, a Bealls, and a vast amount of places to eat. It’s basically a food court with a few clothing stores in it. When I was in high school if you wanted name-brand clothes you had to drive 3 hours to the nearest “big city” mall where you’d find all the places to shop such as Forever 21, Wet Seal (holla!), and an overly-cologned Abercrombie

At that time, the only thing I really knew about it was if you were rich and in the popular crowd, Abercrombie was practically a uniform. Obviously, I never shopped there as I was neither of those. 

When I watched the documentary, I wasn’t surprised at all by the claims that they only wanted “cool kids” to work there so that “cool people” would buy the clothes. Uh hello, remember the models on their bags and on the store signage?

Just a bunch of cool kids hanging out in a meadow throwing a football and joking around. Nothing like the “cool kids” in my school whose outings included skipping out and going to the clubs in Mexico. I don’t remember any of the graphic tees being designed with puke stains but I didn’t wear their clothes back then so what do I know?

Anyway, these marketing tactics worked. Abercrombie became the brand to wear and the place to work, and even though I wasn’t into the brand in high school, they fucking got me when I was 19.

It all started the way it usually does: with a boyfriend.

Just like the former CEO of Abercrombie, my then-boyfriend was shitty. And because he was my first serious boyfriend, his shittiness made me insecure. That led me to do things I would never do. Things that would make me feel cool like the girls he was cheating on me with.

Things like get a job at Abercrombie.

Yup. He worked at Abercrombie. One of the girls he liked worked at Abercrombie. So I thought, I’m good enough to work at Abercrombie. And I was.

My experience wasn’t like the ones in the documentary, however. People were fired or not hired at all based on their appearance. Or, people were hired and scheduled to work on the night crew – the crew that no one saw because they were deemed unattractive.

Because of their discriminatory practices, the company faced a massive class-action lawsuit by more than 250,000 former employees resulting in a $50 million dollar settlement. Beyond their affinity for hiring pretty white folks, their photographer was also a perv, and some of the male models that didn’t accept his advances were ultimately let go from their modeling gigs.

Mike Jeffries, the former CEO whose only dream was to be young, eventually stepped down from the company but not before receiving $25 million. You know, how most of these stories go. 

Today, the company is run by a new CEO and features a more diverse cast of models as well as plus-size clothing, something they’d refrained from in the past. 

In the documentary, one of the plaintiffs in the lawsuit remarked that her mother had, at one point, asked her why she wanted to work there.

She didn’t really answer the question but we all know the answer. 

To prove your cool status.

Or get a fat discount.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone is some version of an idiot in their late teens and well into their twenties. You have to be to think that getting a job at Abercrombie will show your loser boyfriend that you’re just as cool as the girls he cheats on you with (i.e. ME).

I’m happy to report that my time at Abercrombie lasted only a day. Retail sucks and the unreasonable amount of cologne in the air was nauseating and burned my retinas, so I never went back.

I’m even happier to report that while, yes, my then-boyfriend worked at Abercrombie, he worked on the night crew.

And he never got moved to the floor. 

I hope he saw the documentary.


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