Vanderpump Heard That Too

Why? Why do I keep doing this?

Why do I keep watching Vanderpump Rules?

It’s not because it’s as good as it used to be. It’s not even really Vanderpump Rules if you think about it. The restaurant is hardly shown and nobody really works for Lisa anymore, they all have podcasts. It should be called Vanderpump Heard That Too.

Kind of like how everyone on Teen Mom is almost in their 30s so it’s actually Typical Age Mom.

Knowing all of this, though, I still show up. Every Wednesday I show up, expecting nothing and sometimes getting less than that. 

Or at least that’s how I felt last Wednesday. Friday hadn’t happened yet.

Last Wednesday I was over it. I was fully prepared to go on a tangent about the pointlessness of the show. And this is coming from someone who’s followed it from the very beginning. 

In fact, back in 2018, I used to write recaps of the show for the website TasteofReality.com. Even then, I could only write about it for 2 seasons – there were only so many times I could call Jax an asshole before it got old. 

So I went back to making fun of it for free on my website. At least that way I could write when my annoyance dictated. It took a few years but I reached my point last Wednesday.

Last Wednesday, it was the same show from 10 years ago. 

Katie and Schwartz were still having the SAME argument and they weren’t even together anymore.

Tom was back to being with the band and Ariana was still working with cocktails. 

James was back to drinking and getting kicked out of places. 

Lala was back to talking about wanting to give “blowies”.

Raquel was still… Raquel.

Or so we all thought.

Last Wednesday I was ready to make my case on why this should be the last season.

But then something happened.

I woke up to an entirely different world. 10 years of watching this show and I knew nothing. 

And Jax knew everything.

It was a different world indeed.

By now, everyone is well aware of Scandoval. While I was laying my head down on my pillow, getting cozy in my hater vibes, Ariana was discovering the abhorrent betrayal committed by longtime boyfriend Tom Sandoval and her very close friend, Raquel Leviss. 

While I was hitting my REM Cycle (probably), Scheana was serving Raquel with some jailyard justice. 

Schwartz was already going into hiding (I’m sure) because Schwartz.

And Jax. 

One of the most annoying aspects of all of this.

Jax was right.

Unreal.

In the span of a weekend, everything we’d ever believed was eviscerated. 

Nothing means anything. The limit does not exist.

Today, cast members that were once villains are emerging as the heroes we don’t deserve but the heroes we need. 

I used to think Scheana was just doing what she could to stay on the show. Now I’m preparing to interview my closest friends to find out if they’ll throw bows for me should the time ever come the way she did for Ariana.

I used to think Kristen was completely out of her mind. Now I think we should all buy her book He’s Making You Crazy which DETAILS SANDOVAL’S BULLSHIT!

And Schwartz. He’s not even a loveable bafoon anymore. Just a gelatinous mass from his lack of a spine. 

Every day is a new bombshell but as I type this, I’m also watching the latest episode, and almost every scene that features Raquel Rachel and Tom is eerie and pretty gross. 

Rachel and Sandoval have also both released statements apologizing to Ariana and proclaiming themselves problematic and in the process of working on themselves. 

How standard, and how delightfully insincere.

They’re supervillains. True reflections of the worst in people and possibly a trigger for some of us who’ve been in Ariana’s shoes.

But something is a little different with this reality show scandal.

Because this doesn’t really feel like a reality show anymore, now that we’re watching someone’s painful reality in real time. And while we’re all checking social media every 30 seconds for updates (it’s very hard to have a job right now), we’re also doing something unprecedented.

We’re coming together and rallying for a woman who, even though we don’t know her personally, we can all agree didn’t deserve this public humiliation much less her boyfriend of nine years choosing to betray her in one of the worst ways.

For many of us, we are Ariana. 

For me, I’m rallying for her and myself and for anyone who’s had their significant other pull the rug out from under them.

I wanted this show to be canceled because I was sick of seeing the same thing over and over for 10 years (even though I had the option to just stop watching it but I’d already invested this much time and you don’t just quit a career like that). Instead, I look forward to seeing the positive that can come from this, even though I still think it’s all a bit too high school and the popular kids have peaked.

What I’m hoping to see is Ariana and Katie opening their business and watching them chase success instead of the two man-children they were chasing before. 

I don’t know about you but I’m over this trend where a reality star goes through a breakup and then ends up on a show where they’re trying to find love. We’re more than that. Women are and want more than that. 

As for the Tom’s and Rachel, who cares? The diabolical nature of Sandoval and Rachel’s behavior is some True Crime shit and Schwartz needs to grow up in a way I’m not sure he’s capable of. Absolute ballsacks, all of them.

Anyway, I’ll keep watching. 

Like everyone else, I’ll continue watching as, for me, it looks like we might be looking at an inspiring turn of events. Some real triumph, not just for Ariana but for everyone who knows this feeling all too well.

And I hope to see the rallying continue because the fact is, someone you know may be going through or have gone through something similar. Let’s keep supporting each other. Let’s keep rallying.

Because even if we don’t get the spin-off Ariana and Katie deserve, all of the support at least gave us this: