At least the rabbit’s ok

I am allergic to everything. I’m allergic to nickel. I’m allergic to latex, which was a real blast when my last dental hygienist blamed “baby brain” as the reason for “accidentally” using latex gloves for the start of my cleaning, resulting in hives all around my mouth. I’m allergic to certain types of rubber including the ends of the dumbbells at my gym.

When I began breaking out thanks to my IUD (that’s a story for another time), my dermatologist and I created a real fun game called “Try It” where I would take a medication or apply an ointment and if I broke out in hives, then we would rule that out as a treatment option.

This, and this alone, is the reason I’m terrified to get my lips done. My fear is I’ll be allergic to whatever’s in lip filler and my lips will be swollen for at least 2 months. However, a friend of mine recently got hers done and the result was making me more confident in the idea that hey, maybe I’m not allergic to everything.

That all came to a screeching halt yesterday.

Yesterday morning, I walked into the gym like I do every morning, only this time I was greeted by my coach’s eye before the rest of her. It was like she was morphing into a character from my Resident Evil games.

“Oh my god, who did that to you?!” was my first question. Accusatory, yes. But eyes like that don’t just happen. Unless you’re me and you discover the hard way that you’re allergic to certain lash growth serums.

She responded: “my esthetician”.

The day prior, my coach had a facial and during it, was asked if she would be willing to have a procedure performed on her that was designed to help collagen production resulting in fewer wrinkles. Wrinkles that she doesn’t even have.

She agreed because who doesn’t want better eyes for free?

Her esthetician began the procedure which include some sort of needle gun, a topical cream for numbing, and some sort of serum. The type of supplies you see a “doctor” using in a B horror film.

The end result was one kind of swollen eye and one that was nearly swollen shut, like the kids from The Hills Have Eyes.

THAT is my nightmare realized. I am as vain as they come but not vain enough to risk deformity. That’s where I draw the line.

“Can’t you ice it?” a friend who had joined the conversation asked. “No, she told me not to.”

“You mean the woman who did this to you? I would get a second opinion if I were you” our friend advised.

I felt terrible for her, especially because she still had to coach like that (swollen and in pain). She started class and during our warm up explained to everyone what happened.

“Basically,” she said, “I was her guinea pig. I let her test out her new tool on me and this is what happened.”

Everyone listened intently, with sympathy in their eyes and heart.

Then, from the side of the gym, came the voice of one of the new guys.

“Well, at least the rabbit’s OK.”

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