60-Year-Old Kids Do The Darndest Things

Here’s one for you.

So my husband decided to invite my FIL (you’ve been reading long enough to know that FIL stands for Father-In-Law, right? Cool) to dinner. Fine.

He comes over and is all nice and has been being all nice lately and you want to know why? It’s because he’s in a fight with JDF (girlfriend’s initials that I kindly gave her).

So we’re sitting down to dinner and then he and my husband start talking politics which I HATE because nobody knows what they’re talking about. NO ONE. Not even politicians. Nobody knows anything. BTW, that will be my campaign slogan when I run for president in 2032.

I digress. I want to shut the conversation down so I look at my FIL and say “hey, so I hear you and JDF are in a fight.” The story I had heard was that she was pissed because he didn’t want to do yard work and wanted to watch TV instead. Cry me a river, JDF. He literally threatened to move because we asked him to help mow the lawn.

Anyway, it turns out that no, that was not why.

Apparently, a friend of his sent him a video with the caption “I got tested for COVID 19 times” (because people are sooooooo clever) and it was a video of a nurse stripping. Because I’m old, I immediately think “uh, that was probably spam and now your phone is fucked, wake up.”

Then he continued with the story.

He decided that a good time to watch this video was at his girlfriend’s house while she was out of town. Well, as he describes, “at the exact moment that the nurse was slapping her ass against the camera” JDF’s twenty-something year old daughter walks in and catches him watching it and, understandably, freaks out.

Fortunately for my FIL, she didn’t call the cops. Unfortunately for my FIL, she called her mom – his girlfriend.

JDF promptly called him and reprimanded him for watching porn in her house. And you want to know what his defense was?

He told her, “was I naked and jacking off?! No! Because it wasn’t porn!”

It made me think of the time I was a freshman in high school and I got in trouble for being on the phone past 10pm and my defense was: “at least I’m not on drugs like my friends!”

Anyway, he ended the story by saying “I’m not apologizing. I always apologize and this time I’m not.” You know, what any teen says when they’re pissed at a parent.

The moral of the story is if you made your parents miserable when you were a kid (like me), you’ll have and/or inherit someone (like my FIL) who will repay the favor.

So if you’re an asshole, fucking stop it. Typical Jenn 2032.

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