Welcome to the show! How are you?
Get comfortable because you’re in for a real treat. When this is all over we’ll be best friends. Unless a movie gets made about my life, then my best friends will be famous people. Sorry, I don’t make the rules in Hollywood, I’ll just be financially and socially obligated to follow them.
I would like to be a guest on any one of the Vanderpump Rules reunions so I can say the things Andy Cohen SHOULD be saying. And I think I’ll do my first interview with Ellen. I’m already getting excited. I’ve envisioned these scenarios a million times, mainly every time I’ve been rejected… which is a lot. I’ve told my story to everyone, from Oprah (I don’t think she was listening but when you’re one of the Apostles I guess you don’t have to), to Howard Stern (he didn’t call me a cunt once, I think I wore him down), to America when I delivered my speech for my presidential run. It’s been quite the whirlwind.
In reality, the way I handled rejection was to continue to reinvent myself and be whoever I could to get attention, a plan that I hoped would eventually lead me to fame and then I could reject the rejectors. That plan has made Taylor Swift millions. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the patience or stage parents to push me into continuing my career as a singer. I wasn’t talented (or realistic) enough to be the first woman MLB player. And God help us all when you read about my time as an MMA promoter.
This is my Forrest Gump story, except he was loveable and I cuss at the rate that he ran. Originally I began writing this for me. But now I’m writing this for everybody like me. Everybody who wasn’t and still is Not The Kool Kid.
Not The Kool Kid: Part 1 to be posted Feb. 18th.