#allthewords

On Monday Vanderpump Rules returns… Don’t act like you’re not excited. I’ll be writing about each episode, of course, but this season I’m adding a fun game called “What’s the Word?” and it’s played as follows: If you can guess what the buzzword or catchphrase of the season is in three episodes or less you win, and the prize is I’ll guest write on your blog. So really I win, but you should still play – it’s a barrel of laughs and is guaranteed to trigger instant rage from the depths of your soul every time you hear somebody say whatever it is the cast is parroting to each other.

Two years ago the word was “ratchet” and the catchphrase was “sorry, not sorry” – a catchphrase so infuriating I just now had to take a 5-minute time out as the mere act of typing it made my hands ball up into fists. Literally – which happened to be last year’s buzzword, except it was constantly misused by nearly everyone on the show. Now would be a good time to add the disclaimer: playing this game requires watching the show, which can cause you to believe that words have officially lost all meaning, like the word “entrepreneur” has. You’ve been warned.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I hate all the latest buzzwords and catchphrases, which I understand is a bit ridiculous but I can’t help it. Thanks to television, advertisements, social media, and people, I can’t escape whatever just came out of popular culture’s mouth. Now, to be fair, I’ve never been one to latch onto whatever is popular at any given time. And it’s not because I’m too cool or I’m trying to be different; quite frankly it’s because I’m too lazy and also I hate everything. And it’s not just popular words and phrases; it’s clothing (here in Texas those stupid doily shorts are all the rage but doilies are for toilets), songs (I’ll listen to the radio again when they make Despacito stop), movies (we’ll get there), everything (everything).

When I was a junior in high school “dag” was the word of the year. I don’t even know it’s true meaning or origin but I used it once and felt so stupid that I swore off speaking for a whole day. It’s all been downhill from there. I became a pop culture snob. If I hated it or thought it stupid I wouldn’t repeat it, making me inherently uncool by default.

I guess I just don’t see the appeal. Like people who end something with “AF”. I like cursing so abbreviating “as fuck” is a waste of words. And when people say that they’re “adulting” I want to simultaneously punch them and myself in the face, them with my right hand and me with my left, because it’s the weaker of the two. Or god help me when someone uses “beast mode”. Excuse me but I just find it hard to believe you’re going “beast mode” at Planet Fitness – I used to have a membership at Planet Fitness and can attest to it being hard to go “beast mode” when there’s so much good television to watch while you’re on the elliptical. “Just saying” is another one. I know what you’re just saying, because you just said it. There was no need to clarify that you just said something. I wish that one would die already. I could go on and on but I think you get the gist of it.

Do I stray away from every single word or phrase that’s currently trending? Of course not, made obvious by my use of the word “trending”. But I do stay away from the majority of them because they’re just a little too Grease for me. What does the movie Grease have to do with anything? Well I’ll tell you. I hate it (you saw that coming). But I have a theory: so does everyone else, but it’s not considered cool to say you hate Grease so you say you like it just to avoid any conflict because arguing with someone who’s either a genuine Grease fan, or making sure you think they are, is futile and will make you want to kill everyone in the world, starting with the original cast of Grease and ending with yourself.

Anyway, my point of all of this is “What’s the Word?” officially launches on Monday with the premiere of Vanderpump Rules and I’ll try to have my guess in by Tuesday when I write about the show. So then, off you go. Enjoy your weekend, and I’ll see you Tuesday, with more words.