#Todaymybosssaid

#Todaymybosssaid that Trump was helping take down the Illuminati.

Actually he said this the other day but it’s definitely a thing that he said.

Hello everyone! I apologize for my absence. I’ve spent the last couple of weeks trying to figure out how to fast track my writing career so I don’t have to hear bullshit like that anymore. Turns out, it doesn’t work that way. So instead of being annoyed on a weekly basis I decided, fuck it, I’m just going to share some of the things he says that invoke a response of “what the fuck” and/or “hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha”. We should all be in this together.

It’s important to note that I actually like my job, primarily because it affords me the time to write. The problem is my boss is a right-wing conspiracy theorist who fights with people on Facebook, and it’s gotten 935 times worse since the election.

I always knew he was into politics but the first time I heard his rhetoric was during the election when everyone thought Hillary was going to win. I kept hearing him say “yeah, this is all by design. She’s going to win because the government is corrupt and the whole thing is rigged and it’s just all by design.” Then when Trump won he was on the phone telling someone “this is all by design, he’s supposed to be there, he’s there for a reason. His win is all by design.” Well which one is it because it can’t be both. I guess I just don’t know how conspiracy theories work.

From there it gradually got worse. One time he told me that all the bad people in government had been exposed but nobody else knew about it because they didn’t know where to look but he did. I actually found it fascinating that he was one of the few people in the world to have access to this kind of information, considering that when he asks me things that are easy to look up I always respond with “you can Google that”, and then he doesn’t believe me so I end up Googling things for him. My job title should read “Ask Jeeves”.

Last weekend he didn’t want to leave the house because he read that the power grid was going to get shut off and we were going to be without power for three days. Yeah.

Then there’s the other day. He told someone that Trump was recruited to be president because he was the only one who could win the war between good and evil and then he made the Illuminati comment. I took the best notes I could, at one point I rolled my eyes so hard I saw my brain. For a while I had to have a lie down next to my desk to prevent my head from exploding. When I recovered I thought “he really said Trump was helping bring down the Illuminati.”

I’m sorry but last I checked the FTC wasn’t working with Trump or anyone else to help take down the Illuminati. What does the FTC have to do with this? I’ll tell you. If the shape their business model makes is anything to go by, pyramid schemes are the actual Illuminati and they’re not going anywhere. Oh, don’t believe me? They’re the only ones who’ve mind-ninja’d people into selling their bullshit from home and recruiting other people to sell their bullshit all while they’re the ones making all the money. Boom. I just blew your mind.

Listen, maybe I’m one of the millions of sheeople who are blind and my boss has it all figured out. Fine. But it’s getting harder and harder to hear it so I’m going to do the only thing I know how to do in order to deal with it: I’m going to make fun of it. And because I’m a giver I want all of you to get in on it. Be your own boss and join in on #Todaymybosssaid and let’s all have a laugh together. It can be anything because let’s all be honest, sometimes they say some crazy shit.

Are you with me?!

#Todaymybosssaid ………….